To Forgive and Forget…..who made that up?

A 28 year old woman gets hurt by someone she loved dearly, there are no physical scars, but the pain is still there. Its like the question of what came first the chicken or the egg, which comes first forgiving or forgetting and do either actually exist???

I have the hardest time with this one thing, forgiveness. As a Christian you are supposed to forgive because God forgives you your trespasses everyday. I know if God didn’t forgive me, I would be SOL. But it’s so hard. It’s like when a person hurts you, you relive the hurt and its hard moving past it and forgiving them for the many things they did to you. But if you humble yourself and look at it from another perspective, you can see that you possibly hurt them too at one time or another. HUMBLE….SHUMBLE….. Why do we hurt the one’s we love and why do the one’s that supposedly love us hurt us? AHA… supposedly….why do we negate their love just cause they hurt us. Do we love God any less when we are disobedient and don’t do things according to His word? Nope, we don’t. So, why is it so hard to honestly forgive and forget? Glad you asked. I don’t think the forgiving part is the problem, it’s the forgetting. Its like a protective covering over our hearts and our minds. If we let nothing in to hurt us and use what already hurt us as a shield, nothing can get in. But we block all blessings by holding these things against each other. If hurt cant get in, then love is blocked, compassion is blocked, friendship is blocked. WE close ourselves up to simple possibilities because of complex problems. Hmmm…..I will never know what came first, chicken or egg, but I do know that if I really try and I can forgive and forget.

Be Light, Be Real, Be Blessed ~ AA



I try....daily....not to let trivial things bother me. Like the size 18 chick in the size 0 outfit. Or the 2008 Benz sitting next to my car under the carport in my apartment complex, NI99A buy a house with that car note payment. Or the many not so hott "say lil mama, get at me when you get a chance" dudes that hit me up on myspace. See those trivial and nonsensical things do not bother me. BUT SHULLBIT (shullbit: bullshit that's so bad that you cant get your words out and stuff comes out wrong and all f'd up) like what's going on at work is on a whole nother level. I work hard, I mean I bust my hump at my job that is two degrees beneath me, but I do it to the best of my ability and then some. But to know that people are being rewarded for not doing a GOTTDAMN thing all day........NILL YO SELF!! I know that in corporate America, who you know gets your further than that framed Masters Degree in your momma's living room, so I am not naive to brown nosing. But when did it become okay to reward people for doing absofuckinglutely nothing all day long. It just boggles my mind and has f'ed my up for the moment. I will return to me in a minute but now I must stew.

Be Light, Be Real, Be Blessed ~ AA


Having your biblical cake and devils stew……

The question for today is….why is it okay to adhere to and believe in some parts of the bible and not in others? How can you believe that Jesus exists but not believe in consistently going to church and pre-marital sex ……..doesn’t disbelief in one constitute disbelief in the other since they came from the same book???? Is it just me or is that the pot not realizing that he and the kettle came from the same piece of cast iron? Hmmmm….. I don’t know and honestly don’t get it.

Some people call me religious. I was born into the church, went to church 5 ½ out of 7 days from birth to college. I go to church every Sunday. And I believe that everything dealing with premarital sex and not going to church are just wrong. (Disclaimer: I have a 6 year old son and single as all get out, still have sexually immoral thoughts and just became abstinent, still believe it wrong) I am human, but that does not make it right and honestly, I knew I was wrong while doing it. But sex feels GREAT and that’s one temptation that I just couldn’t resist. But again that doesn’t make it right. And I go to church RELIGIOUSLY every Sunday morning. Not because I was bought up that way but because I need that word that is put into me every Sunday in order not to kill a MOFO on Monday morning when I get to work or while driving into work. To some that makes me religious. What exactly is the difference between being religious and spiritual? Is it adhering to tradition, believing what we want to believe and negating everything else or is there ultimately no difference just a humanistic corruption of mindsets? From my viewpoint being spiritual is basically knowing who God and Jesus are, believing in them and that’s about it. AND you don’t have to adhere to the rules and regulations set up in the Bible to govern us and ultimately get us into Heaven. SHULL BIT!!! I have a relationship with God that goes beyond the routine of going to church.

Go with me for a minute, in order to get into the college of your choice, you must do good in high school, deal with teachers you don’t like, attend class everyday or 98% of the time, and study. Then in order to be the best in your career, in college , you have to study, get GREAT grades on exams, again deal with teachers you don’t like and attend class. Okay so if we are willing to pursue that mindset with education why not pursue that mindset with your soul. You have to go class to get the grade and get the lessons needed to pass the test. CHURCH IS EXACTLY THE SAME WAY!! Okay you don’t like your minister, you think he is a thief and he sleeps with all the women in the church, SO WHAT! Change churches!!! You would change your Calculus Class if your teacher wasn’t teaching you but you wouldn’t just drop it, because you need that class to graduate. We need to stop labeling things and making excuses for laziness. Going to church is about nurturing and educating your soul and preparing it for what the devil is going to throw at you. Is the devil something spiritual people believe in???? I don’t know. I am neither religious nor spiritual, I am a child of God and Jesus is my Lord and Savior…..I got to church because it feeds my soul and prepares me for what is about to happen in my life. You remember in school, attendance was a certain percentage of your overall grade. So, if I am human, born into a sinful world and sin daily, meaning I am getting D’s in that portion of the class, shouldn’t I try to at least make sure my participation and attendance grades are A’s. Most times when you are participating and attending class you can’t help but learn things that are going to benefit you, which in the end affects your overall grade. I want a final grade of A…………. B’s and C’s are not me…….so I will continue do what I need to pass the most important test……..

Be Light, Be Real, Be Blessed ~ AA